-just want to talk it out

kind of terrified that my blood test results will come back tomorrow (today) saying im pregnant. terrified and hoping that it does. and hoping that it doesn’t. gus was a one night stand. hadn’t seen him for 5 years. barely know him. nice enough guy, but not my husband. not the kind of guy I imagined creating a beautiful human being with and growing old with. but still - a baby. a perfect little baby.          eugh fuck.

less than 600 calories today.

biggest headache ever, must remember to bring a bottle of water to work tomorrow.

eughh biggest love handles there ever were.

need to walk walk walk walk walk walk.

i bought a size 6 dress yesterday

i need to get it taken in at least an inch for it to stay up on me :)

its a beautiful floor length silk dress for the Christmas party in a few weeks. im so happy with it!

and it hides my hideous legs, and shows off my waist :)

no more processed foods. they make me feel disgusting after i eat them. and it’s so easy to binge on them too.

if i want to binge, make it on carrot sticks or pieces of fruit!

Im planning on moving out as soon as possible. i need my own space.

my house will have nothing disgusting in it! it will be fruits and vegies and eventually beautiful, thin,dainty me :)


just discovered the myfitnesspal app on my phone. ITS AMAZING!

entering everything i eat as soon as i eat it makes me think so much more about what Im eating! its perfect!

and at the end of the day when I’ve eaten less calories than the app says i should have - that makes me feel pretty swell :)

another year

it was my birthday yesterday :)

i’m so so happy, finally 20! i like not being in my teens now. for some reason i actually feel older now. which rules :)

also at home sick again today. body aches and a throat infection. antibiotics, which are great because they don’t have to be taken with food!

ripping out lots of exercise pages from all the magazines in my room today.

already done squats with a fit ball, as much as that hurt.

getting tomorrow off as well, and i will try my hardest to spend the day exercising and doing productive things!

day four

day four: your greatest fears about weight loss.

my greatest fear about weightloss? that i won’t actually lose any weight.
that i’ll get so discouraged that it takes so long that i’ll just stop trying.

i’m so sick of feeling like that. i know it takes a while for results to appear, but i’m so impatient. so i get annoyed at myself and say i’m giving up, and stuff my face with whatever i can find.
it’s maddening.

day three:

day three- a picture of your thinspiration. what features do you like about this person?

she’s a bit of a stunner. i have one photo that’s my ultimate love, but i can’t seem to find it again. so this is a second favourite :)
she’s got such amazing arms. i love that hollow under her arm. i want to be that defined.
and her legs are amazing!

i’m sick of the elastic from my underwear digging into my sides.
i don’t want these marks anymore.

day two:

day two- how tall are you? do you like your height?

i’m 165 cm.

do i like my height? i’d like to be a little taller, but i’m not unhappy with it :)